New Zealand - you let me breathe again...

…and opened me up for what there is more to experience than the visible things.

I escaped the german winter, to see something new, let myself inspire and give myself into a different flow of life. The one where I’m not necessarily the creator of things happening, but let others create. Let others speak and just listen. Let others suggest and follow. Let others open up to me and just be present. With them in that very moment. You might call me the observer, the passive ghost around and that’s how I felt quite often. But that’s exactly what I wanted. See what’s occurring if I don’t intervene at any stage. And what turned out to happen surprised me more than once. It made me feel new frequencies of energy, deeper emotions and most of all grace. Grace for every little thing that was given to me. Cause I was just there. Without asking for anything. And things just approached me. Bigger and smaller ones. It gave me trust in myself, in humanity and in the universe seeming to lead us through our lives. Through easier and harder times. But there’s always a reason I discovered and a message in the end. Life’s all about being a lesson. And especially if we should not see it once, we should go for the experience. The point where you see clearly again is always about to come. Patience is the only thing needed till then.

These are some insights I gained on my first journey through Oceana. Through that rich green, crystal clear blue watered, chilly and again hot-tempered, serpentine curved and warm-hearted country. Many more descriptions could go here, but those are the first that came first into my mind. I started to volunteer at a Yoga Retreat Center, actually located in NZ’s biggest city Auckland but so hidden in the rainforest to forget about that fact. Found some very special soul and heart connections there, which will always have a place within me. Began to truly love and accept myself as the being I am and was born to be. Discovered new strengths and learned to cherish already known ones more. Developed such a great trust in life that I hope to never forget about...

I let things happen instead of forcing them to happen. I slowed down and paused, instead of planning the next steps or searching for something to do. I listened to what my body asked for instead of thinking about what it should do or have right now. I tried to let my mind rest to live from another source. Cause what I had definitely enough experienced in my life until then was the mind-driven way of living. So my intention was to follow my heart and see where it takes me. Without questioning or doubting. Sounds simple but it challenged me as well to let the old pattern go. And everything that has hardened within me through it.

What helped me on that path was connecting deeper with my body by practicing yoga, but just in the way, my body felt like doing, without pushing me into any pose or pace. Just laying down in nature. Reducing the words I spoke to the ones I really felt like wanting to speak. Started looking into others' eyes. Without fear. Cause why? There’s no reason for all that fear we’re carrying within us I realized. It’s just what we were subconsciously trained to have through our parents, through society. We built up walls. For protection. But that’s not what’s protecting us. That’s what lets us run even more into anxiety and mistrust. We are already protected that’s what I needed to remember. Because there’s something greater to life. Something that we cannot control anyway. So trust and openness are the only tools that can really protect and guide us.

I felt the urge to seriously turn silent. So I went to do the 10 days Vipassana Meditation in silence. To see what it does with me. I struggled a lot in the beginning, too many hours of sitting my mind tried to tell me. But that’s what it's all about. Shutting down this continuously active mind, that sets up so much bull**** , that is not true. Just relating to what we’ve learned so far and concluding from this experience if what we’re doing is right or wrong, good or bad. But why do we have to judge every single moment and put everything into boxes? Letting this judgemental attitude go, was the first thing to do. Observing my breath and sensations throughout my body the second one. That’s basically what I did over the 10 days while meditating. Just trying to dive deeper into both tasks. Minimalistic but profound. The awareness I put my feet onto this earth with, the way I walked through the forest and observed everything in detail. From slowing down I came to the point of just being present and aware of things surrounding me. Everything started to feel more intense. Cause I was really there. Not somewhere else where my thoughts took me. Cause there were these moments where I had no thoughts distracting me from being in that very moment.

And then I realized that every encounter I had and have in life has its meaning for me, my situation. Can be a reflection of my own state, a message to change patterns or an inspiration where to go next. I just need to be fluid and take all these humans as presents. Finally, I can say, I was richly gifted on my journey. With people, I could dive deeper into new spheres, who supported me on my journey of self-awareness and whom I could rely on. I started traveling alone to find my own way. It turned out to be a shared journey of togetherness, joy and love. Love in many ways of expression.